


The Greatest SoUlmate AU Ever Written, By Caliborn

by DisConsulate



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2457653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisConsulate/pseuds/DisConsulate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was inspired.  To write this piece of garbage.  By the fact that this site plays host.  To so many goddamn soUlmate aU's.  Which are UsUally stUpid.  And dUmb.  And fUll of consent issUes.  That only rarely get mentioned.  Or dealt with in a meaningfUl way.  BecaUse the entire concept is inherently flawed.  And as previoUsly mentioned.  StUpid.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The Greatest SoUlmate AU Ever Written, By Caliborn

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired. To write this piece of garbage. By the fact that this site plays host. To so many goddamn soUlmate aU's. Which are UsUally stUpid. And dUmb. And fUll of consent issUes. That only rarely get mentioned. Or dealt with in a meaningfUl way. BecaUse the entire concept is inherently flawed. And as previoUsly mentioned. StUpid.

Here is some loser. Let's call him Dave. His name doesn't really matter thoUgh 

Here is a different loser. Let's call him John. He looks stUpid. And is entirely Useless. His job is pretty mUch to stand there and let the plot happen.

John and Dave are what we in the bUsiness call. SoUlmates. Which is an idiot concept for weakling children. Who do not understand drama. Or pacing. Or things that are actUally interesting to read aboUt.

This is the part. Where I woUld say a bUnch of stUff. And place artificial barriers in the way of this star-crossed coUple. BUt I'm not going to bother. BecaUse you know what's going to happen. And I know what's going to happen. And that is awfUl, disgUsting makeoUts.

So we're going to skip to that part.

In this scene. John is probably hanging over a volcano. Let's say Vriska is the villain. BecaUse she always fUcking is. And her character UsUally gets no fUrther dimension than that. She is. To pUt it one way. A convenient plot device. For Unintelligent monkeys.

And Dave here. Being the knight. In a half-assed reference. To a mUch worse canon involving these characters. Comes to rescue John. And probably pUshes Vriska into the lava. Yes. That's what we'll say happened.

hahahahahahaha.

Now that they're together. There is nothing stopping them. From engaging in the sloppy makeoUts. That this fandom desires. With a need rivalling some kind of gross addiction. To something not stardUst. EUgh. Why am I writing this. This is so dUmb.'

Here is a rendering. Made by my own two alien skUll monster claws. It is fUcking beaUtifUl. And perfect. And easily the best part. Of this entire fUcking trainwreck.

That's it. The fic is over.

**Author's Note:**

> FUck all of yoU. tUmUt


End file.
